jack sandy

those skinny legs still and under a cloth.
I asked to see him. What a shock. My daughter blubbering and
the 9 year old Mikhaela dumb.

He had been worried about her moods. As we watch little girls grow up
and change with sprouting bodies. We all have occasion to wonder
at the cheerful child we knew seems distant.

Last month I picked them all up (in Jack's car)
and took them to a Latino Festival at a park.
I thought I was taking them to music. Turned out to be dance.
Couldn't have been better. Jack and the kids really liked it.
Mikhaela wanted to learn the Folklorico dance. I took her
and she liked it. The kids all bi-lingual. She hoped to learn Spanish too.
Special dress, special shoes... I managed to find similar shoes.
We spent the day Full Moon in Aquarius and 8-8-2006
looking for a pattern for the skirt/falda in the fabric stores. No Dice.
Couldn't find a pattern.

Took her home. Jack had emailed Brigitte at 2:30 about oil prices and
he called her at 4:30 thanking her for letting me use her car since he was working on
his car in the backyard.
around 6:30 he was dead.

She dreamed of him two days later. She told me: I asked him why he was here and he replied: "I have to help the guys fix the car" then she asked him what happened and he replied: "I kicked the front of the car but forgot to kick the back..." (to make sure the Jacks-new jacks that Jack had bought for the project to make sure the Jacks were secure... either they weren't or they gave way) Jack was Jacked. shit.

she told me she couldn't figure out why Jack came to her and she got on line...
(she has been bed-ridden and not on line since the shooting)
the first email she saw was from Jack and then she remembered the phone call.

Also one day after her episode he looked at me and said: "I wanna see Brigitte's thighs." oops. bad boy.

Melissa and the kids walked to the store and Jack was on the front porch when they left. When they returned he wasn't on the porch and they went into the house to
fix dinner. Melissa told Mikhaela to call Jack to dinner and she went outside and
couldn't get a response from him... and the car was tilted.

They tried picking up the car. Did I send you the email Jack had written a friend about a time when he felt his head exploded? Seems prophetic cause that is where the car landed. Brigitte journals her dreams and told me about a dream she had journaled
dated July 9th... that she was shot. She was shot July 30th.

I feel in the eye of a hurricane. all around me.

I don't cry -- be strong. oh lord.

The place is a surprise for Jack's friend here in Indy... Jack helped Clifford buy a car by driving him around last month until they found one. Clifford has known Jack for decades. Jack had me meet his former wife last winter when she was exhibiting at the Indiana State Museum Artists Show. She makes women's jackets from antique kimonos.

Clifford is helpful right now although his court ordered halfway house
(a mighty drinker) keeps him very busy.

We've about got the house cleaned. ha.
yet, what we've managed to do is move dirt and expose the mold and
other collections of bacteria... so the kids and mEL
are coughing lots in the morning. I don't think they can stay there.
actually they don't think they can stay there even though
Kay, whose name is on the deed, would like them to stay and has said they can stay until she sells it.

Suzanne, he would have left the house to me but I knew what work it needed
and I don't have the money or energy to tackle it. also, the usual feelings about
denial of death. oh jack.... although I was disappointed when he told me he had
quick claimed the deed to Kay.

call me whenever. it would help to hear a sober and lovely voice. june