as seen on television... from Oprah herself. Mr. Senior Bachelor

Dear Mr. Richard Roe;
Are you as juicy and salty as Caviar?
I was born in the heart of cornfields, Indianapolis,Indiana, in 1949.
I was President of the Math Club @ Arlington HighSchool for one week.
Then, I was energized by awakening hormones, and I became
cheerleader of the back seat of a '59 Chevy.
After a Beatles concert in'64 and as birthday present,
I gifted my virginity to my Canadian and John-Lennon sounding boyfriend.
We married in 1967 and moved to his birthplace, Halifax,N. S.
Soon thereafter we returned to Indianapolis where he enrolled at IUPUI a
and I returned to work for Ma Bell as long distance operator.
The woman who trained me told me the training to be a long distance operator
was developed by the people depicted in the movie CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN.
Maximum efficiency.
I was taught how to sit for 8 hours a day in 36 inches ofspace;
how to hold my pencil,
how to punch the phone numbers,
how to mark the punch cards,
how to answer the call.
With that much exercise I was walking up the 8 flights of stairs when arriving to work
and after lunch. I

left Ma Bell for better money at thePost Office.
I was the white girl on the 2nd floor.
From memorizing area codes to memorizing zip codes,
after all these years
all those have changed too.
After 5 years of marriage my hubby had his undergraduate degree.
I quit the Post Office to begin a family.
My fine son was born on Mother's Day, 1972.
A year and a half
later a lovely daughter was born.
In 1974The first house was purchased... it had been built by my great-grandmother's
sister and left to my mom.
It was full of family experiences, letters, momentos,
and kitchen gadgets I was entertained learning how to use... as I remembered
the 'ladies' making soap in the backyard,
listening to radio's Gillette's bell ringing in the prize fights on the radio and
smelling the men's cigars.
In 1975 a near death experience followed a surgery for a report of 'abnormal pap'.
My children were c-sections. Surgery was not what I relished.
I often call the NDE 'My God Bless and God Damn' the surgeon experience.
When I went to the 'light' It told me Icould stay or go back and I replied:
"I didn't have those children to leave them. I'll go back."
Then the 'light' told me I had to do something if Iwent back.
I didn't ask what? I said: "I'm yours, No Problem."
then the light told me 'it' was in my hands.
(Richard I didn't take this literally.)
I was taking street people in and feeding them.
Extending myself in many ways; imagining the bum in the alley as angel.
ok.Then I took a job for Hook Drugs in their smallest pharmacy in the state of Indiana.
We were in aprofessional building; you weren't going to buy liquor or comic books there.
My boss did a lot of compounding... cocaine for the eye, nose and throat doctors...
so lucky for me in an odd way for when cocaine went through my neighborhood as a recreational drug I knew it certainly wasn't what I had seen and worked with...
99.99% pure Merck Sharp and Dome.
In 77 my husband graduated from law school.
I was now married to a Doctor of Juris Prudence.
We celebrated by going to San Fransisco, (layover) Hawaii where snorkling affected my wonderlust and I wanted to go deeper, to learn scuba.
We then drove onto Halifax where the children were with their grandparents.
There we invested in a Cabin atop a small mountain of granite in St. Margaret's Bay
around the corner from Peggy's Cove.
In 1978 I had another beautiful baby girl.
It was at this time my desire to learn scuba diving fruited and
I got open water certification on GrandBahama Island.
The one time I scuba dived.
After that My time was spent fixing up a house to sell,
and looking for a house with a southern exposure, fireplace and basement
(I am from Indiana and there are tornados.)
I have a reputation for bread baking. I entered my bread in the state fair;
I didn't win but this did get me and three in for free ; - )
In Dec of 82 my husband was behind in taxes so I got a job.
I canvassed door-t- door to stop my light bill from going uP.
This was a facsinating group of mostly disenfrancished folks 'getting it together again'.
Everyday felt like a script in a movie.
It was fun, invigorating,and not so profitable.; -(
I had some successs peaking to folks... to the point they remembered me 6 months later
when I returned to their neighborhoods, they turned off their televisions,
they offered me tea.
I didn't realize my job as political. I was talkingabout the environment or economics.
Then I was invited to the State House for the vote on an economic issue which concerned building a nuclear power plant and that was that. I was one of those politicians?
In May of '83 my husband told me 'we got married too young and he wanted to marry somebody rich' -- (Ithought I was.)
He moved out Father's Day of '83.
My job depended on my being able to communicate with folks.
I was divorced on a Monday; unable to make sense -- fired on a Saturday.
I was an uncaged bird. Liberated. Everything hurt. Everywhere was memory.
When offered a position in New Hampshire I convincedmyself I was going toward something... not merely running away. When I got there I lost that job.
Finding myself at the New Hampshire Employement office the counselor saw
Hook Drugs on my application and exclaimed: "They called It ThaT?"
I'd notice a post for Mental Health worker at the New Hampshire StatePsychiatric Hospital
and applied.
A month long training as preparation to be on a ward -- I learned lots.
Encouraged by a head nurse to get my degree, she said:
"You have no superior here. If you get your degree I can pay you three times what I pay you."

I returned to Indy to stay with my mom while I used aPell Grant to return to school.
Coming home from a Raffi concert with my children a rain storm rapidly
became an ice storm and my car was totalled.
Instead of replacing that car I spent the money on a junker Pinto and got Rolfed.
My first massage in New Hamphsire... such profound stress relief. Such need to be touched. Rolfing was liberating. I had a letter-writing, fund-raiser and hitchhiked to Big Sur, California to go to the Esalen Institute for massage training.
Aromas in the coast air led me to question my great-grandmothers story of her grandparents going toCalifornia in a covered wagon and coming back.

I hadn't traveled around the world. At Esalen the world came to me. I had roommates from Norway, Hollywood, Germany, and Colorado. I worked in the kitchen with people from Brasil, Transylvania, England, and New York City. I studied with teachers from Italy, Israel, Brasil, California.
I soaked in hot tubs with visitors from Germany, Alaska, Peru, Japan, France,and Hollywood.

One night under the stars and in the hot tub I held hands with cosmonauts from the then U.S.S.R and sang (they knew the words!)LET PEACE BEGIN WITH ME.
I read every book I could get my hands on which was recommended reading in the Esalen catalog. JosephChilton Pierce, Frijof Capra, Gary Zukov come to mind. After January, February, and March the leadership at Esalen told me I knew all I needed to create a massage practice in Indianapolis.

I had no car, no massage table, no home, no phone (yes we have no bananas);
I had good will, excellent training, and three children who were my champions.
I massaged many of their friends. Massage wasn't 'work'; it had a flow to it.
Fight, Flight, Flow. I met a man whose response to to my 'work' was to immediately hire me to work on 5 people who worked for him. After working on his mother and her cancer disappeared his status as a Lilly Fellow put me in front of groups of teachers and teens from all over the state.

Massage was established as an honorableand viable profession in Indiana. I traveled to further massage training, to stay'fresh', to become more articulate. When asked to describe my massage I would quote Einstein:"Information without experience is meaningless" I have taken my massage to Brazil, Colombia, England, Mexico, Canada and all over the states. Currently I have three grown children and 5 grandchildren.
I have had lovely, active, intelligent lovers along my journey.
Especially an evening in Bodega Bay when I met a cyclist in a hot tub who exclaimed when I mentioned being a grandmother: "How old are you?"
I replied: "I was 23 when I had him and he's 23 now."
I then massaged his most gorgeous legs and butt (even the little pimple on his left butt cheek) That incredible night after the massage when I went to hug him good-bye and he grabbed me saying: "I've gotta see 'them'."
One minute I am pushing him away and the next I am atop him.
Wow. Quick. Then he asked if I had a rubber andI jumped up and said: "Yippee!"
Ran from his room to mine to get 2 rubbers. Returned for what I can only describe as a scene from the movie GREAT BALLS OFFIRE.
For I recall feeling like Winona Ryder looked in that movie when she lost her virginity.
I wondered if I could accommadate his penis and then happily felt a perfect fit.

Pan laughted with glee, lit up the room while Gods and Divine Intelligence pleased they brought us together... The room filled up with splendid sparkles. I didn't get his name, I am inclined from so many little clues to believe it was Tom Robbins who a year or so before I had 'raised a cone of power'
f or my favorite living writer to send him some love and healing.
I didn't get his address or phone number.
I did give him mine and waited and waited and waited for years to hear from him ... imagine my disappointment when the cookies I sent him forChristmas that year of '95 were returned only to be eaten by the squirrles wiggling their tails on the porch.
I have since read Robbins friend Robert Anton Wilson and read the number 23 as some sort of magical code.That was 10 years ago this October, I have taken other lovers since then hoping some other man match that satisfaction of desire.
Now. I offer myself as ready and willing to learn about You and more of this world.
I have had many lovers... The fellow who did my rolfing,
I consider an artist among bodyworkers. He let me chase him until the ethics of being involved with a client was a moot point.
I have had several ask for my hand in the most off-hand manner it was off-putting.
None, however offered, and with such eloquence, travel.
Traveling with a man who will share with me what he's learned;
navigate through culturss and tastes smells-- see & feel with someone.
Your excellent invitation has inspired me to offer this minor biography...