BB et al

I wished I could do what it is you demand of me.
I wish I understood so much more than when
Ethel said: June nobody is trying to hurt you
I wanted to be some kind of secret agent...
for enlightening evolution quiet. don't disturb or annoy
some darkening gravity ....

You know there were times
of working supendously secretly.

I wanted 'them' to come to their own divinity like a diamond in their hearts
unbreakable endurable for the times that come...

to know to feel to touch with compassion love and forgiveness
for the times that come

and you come. and I come.

and it is all confused...


I wonder that I didnt CHANGE enough to
say nope buddy... not unless you tell me the truth, trust me,
accept me, love me, proclaim it

and wouldnt it be nice if after I walked out (too sooooon june)
of that Jane Austin movie with that English actress (very good-- but
unrequited love) that you hadnt simply walked into the strip joint
across the street in Seattle.

I wish I hadnt gotten drunk with
Seattle skyscrapers and blurbed my mouth...

oh who
I expected a roof after Bodega Bay and all I got was one
hundred thousand thousand assholes telling me I´m ungrounded.
it feels yuccy sometimes,

I dont want to be a hermit.
I never wanted to live anywhere but near WATER
and I am sorry I am so limited... my gift

I am thinking that since I cannot get ahold of you, be awith you
and am simply teased
and unmeaningñly I have been told...

do not want to hear scripts

I am sorry I have not managed to do what you demand of me.
it would help if you told me...
imagineing all those folks in Indy playing the game with my life.
thinking what?
wanting what?

I am pretty much missing out on a talk with you.ç
thats all for now...

I wish you well, now I must change and
find a path that is comfortable for me...
unfinished business... disappear. good lord, I wanted to vamoose and vanish
lots of times before this
become unknown else.
sorry
I could not do what you demand of me.
sorry... and thanks

when I said no in bodega bay It was because of my limited imagination

and
I didnt have the money to be in bodega bay how could I meet you someplace else

when I said Indy needed me but didnt know it

I meant that and nothing more... they dont need me anymore

DO THEY?
do you?
I float
I dream
I love
I still love you big time in my heart
and yet, you are not here and

I havent managed to do what You Demand.
whatever that is...
instead of monopoly I imagined a bit of the june game and the
cards in it... such as, set, script, actor,
I must not dwell on those lighting and lighted timesç

when the smiles and the charge of you took us elsewhere (and I am not talking about bed.... fucking, sex, making love... thats is nice. but those times when we freakinç
had a halo) later, I wish I could focus on be linear here...
and yet,
you witness
by participate easily
through metaphor... what for?
talk what for...