explore resolution

1. something lasts too long .. life flow ebbs .. stasis
2. intervention .. outside forces happen .. ending stasis creating imbalance.one sidedness
3. completion experienced .. a lack of certain things...
4 gives rise to conflict
5. things separate .. split or fall apart .. a sense of destruction
6 destruction produces sense of emptiness a void which attracts new
7 possibilities when combined with the old stuff threaten to overwhelm
the situation thus makin necessary
8. the process of selection and rejection to
9 bring a new balance into play all else excluded is excluded that
inhibits and is without meaning
10 the selection and rejection go on until a new harmony is formed called
11 integration.. a new center
12 resolution occurs when conflict is replaced with a sense of unity

transformation is born when a new meaning results

joy is the evidence of transformation .. a fuller reality leaps into being..
for awhile anyway.

name for ocean... WHALE ROAD

this is a bit of between me and aussie gals ... and much more regarding
protection of whales. please enjoy... be well and spread the news...
have you told our friends about my willow weep for me blog???

lol, bless you June! Your posts are always such fodder for thought and joy!!!!
As it happens, I live in a whale hot-spot - this is the only place
in the world where different varieties of whales come all at once to mate
and have their babies ... it's known as the whale nursery super-highway.
We are despairing b/c Japan is heavy-ing smaller nations into condoning
commercial whaling, but it's all confusion as the international whaling
commission doesn't seem to have any power either way.
Anyhoo, the president of the whaling action group lives here in the SW ofWestern Australia (where I live). Here is his website:http://www.whales-australia.com/
It's the commercial side of his business, but at this point I can't seem to find
his action group's site. Will advise(will phone him in the morning - it's 3am here currently,
so a bit rude tophone him now!) ;-) he he hexx

Whale Protection Project
Please forgive me Anita if this is outside inner goddess group boundaries...
You are in Australia. I am a land locked Hoosier (Indiana--east of theMississippi,
south of the Great Lakes) My heart -- attached to my mouth -- leaped when I first spied Whales! spouting. Seems that thereafter for a spell the folks who were in vacinity
of me at that time...thereafter when they saw a whale -- they thought of me.
Big Deal I had a coffee mug from the stop low frequency sonar .. to prevent damage
to these big beautiful fellas and our other kin -- dolphins. All of it. oy vey. At this time I can give heartfelt support. That is enough. thanks
Whale Protection Project-Please Network!
A Message to all of Humanity Blessings Beloveds,
I am sending this message out about the whales to all on my email list as I am guided by
Mother Gaia to fully support this project as it is being directly inspired by Gaia,
the open hearts of humanity and the Spirit of all Whales on Earth in service to creating
global protection for all Whales. I am inviting you to go into your heart and receive your guidance on how you could support this sacred Whale Protection Project to move forward....Taking just a few minutes to go within and receive your higher guidance.
Mother Gaia and the Whales thank you for this.
This will only take a fewminutes of your time and your support is needed, beloved.
Please go into your heart and receive your guidance, now of how you could assist.
It may be that you are aware of an organisation or a friend that may support the sharing
of this message to many more people throughout theworld.
Your Divine Presence may guide you to pass this on to all you know,or it may be that you are financially able to gift charitably to support this sacred heart project to take place
in honour of our oceans, marine life and specifically the Humpback Whales.
It is our power that we hold within to give from our hearts to all that we are guided to,
that establishes a firm link with our pure essence and open heart.
It is our gifting of this, through following our clear guidance, impulses from within,
and acting upon this that ignites our truth and amazing gifts to return to us after we
have gifted for the highest good in life. It is our gentle heart pulls that guide our path so we may experience the divinity of our beings, beloved hearts.
May this be your path and may it support the whales who are channels of pure love.
Let us place our energy together and create their protection by simply following our hearts guidance and joining as one in a focus for this.
All my love and blessings, Qala Sri’ama
THE WHALE PROTECTION PROJECT - THE FLIGHT OF THE HUMPBACK
“Flight of the Humpback” is essentially a whale protection project utilizing a 50 foot catamaran with the latest satellite and digital technology. We can safely predict a constant whale presence, and will have illumined beings on board to help spread [the] awareness of the energy that the whales are now sharing with humanity for our healing and transformation.
This will take place in Hervey Bay, Australia from August to Mid October amongst 500 humpback whales with a rotating crew of musicians, celebrities,politicians, illuminated beings, whale conservationists, children,aborigines and other nationalities, especially Japanese.
Our intention is to produce the “Flight of the Humpback” as both a fully integrated and interactive broadband web site (so you may also experience the whales sound transmissions and sacred presence) and a one hour television documentary.
Daytime events are to be edited on board, then sent directly to the server via a wireless transmitter mounted on the boat and a satellite dish based onFrazer Island.There will be several elements to the broadband production, many of whichwill be interactive.
People from all around the world will be able to;*
Tune in to the web-site at certain times every day to listen to livewhale and/or human songs/talks.*
Watch short 2 to 5 minute mini documentaries of the day’s activities.*
Watch via a web cam and satellite, live activities on the boat andtransmissions with the whales.*
Be involved in a televised global link up meditation/transmission/prayerfor the Whales with Qala Sri’Ama(If many from around the globe link up with open hearts and hold a powerful intention to positively effect human consciousness, and specifically that of those who may hold a position of power relating to the fate of the whales and dolphins,
old consciousness will shift and a new consciousness will anchor of the Whales Full Protection. This is the intention of the groupheart-mind linkup meditation we will be televising through this project)*
Lobby politicians and companies from various countries to help thewhales, from a large data base through form or personal letters and petitions.
AIMSOne aim of “Flight of the Humpback” is to assist viewers and participants to develop an intimate relationship with the whales and to see them as highly evolved beings and not simply big fish for the dinner table. Not only would this realization aid most of humanity it would be a particularly usefulconsciousness shift for Japan and other whaling nations. As viewers begin to‘see’ the whales as highly evolved beings they may be open to receive their transmissions of compassion and unconditional love. Traits all humanity could do with exploring.
“Flight of the Humpback” may have as its objective to help save the whales, yet another equally important aim is to help bring humanity back into balance with not only nature but ourselves and each other. As the whales return to their feeding ground in the Antarctic(birthing season concludes), some of the crew would continue, to theAntarctic, where for the first time in over 30 years these humpback whales may face Japanese whalers and their lethal harpoons.

Equipment and skills gained in Hervey Bay will be used on this trip.More detailed information can be found at http://www.flightofthehumpback.org
WISH LIST*The perfect boat.Preferably a 50 foot catamaran,
10 birth, with necessary facilities and equipment on board and/or money to hire one for 3months,
approx $20-$40,000,*
a passage to Antarctica with either the Sea Shepherd or Green Peace for the final leg of the expedition, approx. $10,000*
2 high definition video cameras, one with underwater housing plusaccessories,
or $20,000 to purchase.*
Satellite and wireless transmitter and solar power system, or $10,000 to purchase.
*Fast Mac laptop computer and accessories, or $8,000 to purchase*
Food and supplies for 2 1/2 months approx.$8,000*
Website Technician/maintenance part time over a 3 month period. Skilled service worker or paid est. $5,000*
Website Marketer/maintenance part time over a 3 month period.-
A Skilled service worker or paid worker if needed, possibly $3000*
Staff needed: Skipper and Cook/s (may be rotated and offer service or bewaged)*
Fuel and Transport $3,000* Back up small generator $500* Communication $1,000* Video Tapes $1,000* Insurance $1,000* Misc.costs (kitty between $5000 and $10,000)* Wages to support those few key crew/manager who hold the energy for the project and whose attention is constantly required throughout the durationof the project (a suggestion of approx $800-$1000 per week per person so that they may also continue to support their families)*
For editing and mastering one hour documentary $40,000
(This and other donations are tax deductible in Australia and may also be claimed as an investment with possibilities of returns in and outside of Australia )
SERVICE MEMBERS REQUIRED*
Cooks*
Website Technician*
Website Marketer
CHARITABLE DONATIONS/InvestmentsWe are looking for Charitable Donations/Investments of $100,000 to kickstart this immensely important project.
If you are have the availability to give to the whales any amount as a donation, this money will be used solely for the purpose of supporting a global education of the whales presence for their full protection in every waterway of the earth. Some equipment will be bought rather than hired. The equipment purchased will be owned and managedby myself to be used for whale conservation and Peace and important environmental issues in the future. You may contact me personally with anyquestions through....Dean Jefferys, 3 Wanganui Rd Mullumbimby 2482 NSW Australiaor Phone +61-2-66840002.....or email http://us.f301.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?To=shaman%40byrononline.netThe account details are Southern Cross Credit Union BSB 802-185, Accountnumber 112060, Account name "Flight of the Humpback".If transferring from outside Australia, the swift code is CUSCAU2S.If Australian investors would like to claim a tax deduction for the2005/2006 financial year they need to put the investment in the account bythe 30th of June 2006.Email me if you make a donation/investment at http://us.f301.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?To=shaman%40byrononline.net andyou would like a receipt.For more information or Questions they can call me +61-2-66840002For the WhalesDean JefferysProducer/Director/Cameraperson/Distributor "Shamans of the Amazon","Amazon the Invisible People" "The Last Word" Terence McKenna,"Into the Heart of Iraq", "Shamans of the Amazon Icaro chants CD""A Shamanic adventure in Peru"http://www.shamansoftheamazon.com/http://www.worldpeacenow.org.au/http://www.flightofthehumpback.org/"When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will knowpeace." - Jimi Hendrixhttp://maillist.ntechhosting.com/users/unsub.php?Mem=121334&ConfirmCode=bda209a98cae6b937b84f7ec202436deHoly Cow--move breath laugh touch & eat locally; I am gratefulhttp://www.geocities.com/junenoble.geo/http://junebugmoon.blogspot.com/

balm for blame

I assume responsibility here. I balm myself for the blaming.
There will be other tomatos.

Last night I wondered if one of those night creatures would like
the mango that had been in the refrigerator way longer than I
was willing to make that mango shake. difficult sentence?
Last night I gave a opposum or raccoon a sweet taste of the tropics.
5 for $5 at Meyer.

This morning I watched a squirrel laying on the ledge of the deck.
This morning I watched his adolescent brother/sister with a half mango
in his jaws attempt the fence and drop to the ground with his heavy load.
Ok. I went outside and there on the ground with little squirrel nibbles
was the first tomato pitched aside on the ground.

personal ad

I went to see a french film, CHEF IN LOVE @ the Biblioteca
and who sits in front of me
to my left. With a woman. A redheaded woman
I admit, a lucky woman.
I swept my aura. Yeah, the
music, the dancing, the story, the actors
All very good -- I left when the revolution of 1921 began
for the film was a flashback
You already knew the mother was murdered
The chef had been famous, written a book,
a cookbook of Georgian recipes.

I was bombarded by the
high frequency sound of long duration in my ear. I did and
didnt pay attention to the sound. I wanted to pay attention too and self conscious
with him there
at my audible reactions to the film, my physical sensations
liking the longing and God Bless believe he was
aware of me too. Good kissin.

The high frequency of long duration sound was first noticed in the Yucatan
at Osho near Tulum
nearly ten years ago.
I loved it. I was grateful for it. I felt special.

When I was quite young I took it matter of fact
this sound is a voice of instruction, direction and from another world
maintaining contact.
Leave a cold place feeling Forlorn and race naked
on the beach @ moonlight midnight warm &
salt air to play finally again to be
Sunshine and sound teachers

This, some moments of heaven on earth...

My Personal Ad

Take off your shoes.
I know you by the feet
I, surprised to noticed your feet as clincher to
match all the fullness of merriment and
curiosity I had already noticed
and empathy with a capital E. I hadnt given
nearly enough
attention to bone fide mischief maker
contained in the singular creature
who desires contact.

ps... ann told me I shudda leaned over and whispered to the redhead
"he's good in bed
I Know"

bittersweet

Make San Miguel difficult to leave. EVERYTHING IS HERE
I head toward the deep after being held aloft so high
seeking something that sits right in front of me
surrounded by
what I have to get through I have to get through a shield of
blond or auburn dye in a box or faces in my spaces
I am called "You are funny girl"
and weepily didnt laugh aloud at Mad Magazine this day that day
anyway. Any of the fun things I have imagined and done in my head for the
price of my life and his legs twining and hearts aching longing for the
spontaneous June to emerge when all around her scripts... lovely folks.
I so would like to be
other than
THE UNINVITED

thank you SMA, GTO, Mexico

Jim McDermott
Michael McDermott, Brad Coons
Ricardo Rimerez & Gaby his wife; his sister Macrena her whole Family
his sister, Silvia and family, little Sharon and Kayly
Brock and Sandy Pickett
Susana and Horacio and Angel and family
Bonnie Griffith and Salvadore
and Rachel Citrin and Raquel @ Juacaranda; KJ and Terresa B.
Anne Williams and Connie B.
Rev Nancy and Owen Thomas
Phil and Alicia at the Hildago Cafe/tour guide/art gallery/library & Emilia
Juanita and her three sons
The internets on Hildago and Aurura and Mesones and Sollano & Luz
yep and Insurgentes and Zacateras
Lynn Willard and Alicia from Argentina and dead Marge
The gal from Poland and all the hostelers esp. Juana and Vio and
Michael, and Pierre, Denise and David for showing me
the town and museum of Guanjuanto,
La Grotta,
The Los Rodriques bus drivers, and many bus and taxi drivers here
Sue Paris and Alicia Mayo, the full moon rituals on the Botanical Garden site
Jorge and Rebeca at Bee Natural
and Theresa and Jim and Erik and their poodle,
Shanti and Ziggy, shooting stars and hummingbirds
the living Marj and Kimberly for lunch with a Margarita
Robin for filling her part well
Juan Jose for emergency and emerging haircuts
The farmicist on Hildago and Luz
Rory and Omar
Patricia and Ben
Dr. Gordillo and Don Jesus
Maryann McFadden, Laura, and TAsha and all the folks of the Poetry workshop
@THE Biblioteca,
Kokilo and Teresa M.
John & Frances Wise
Pamela and Margarita
Carolina who wasnt a hippy
and ZuZu and YaYa
Jims friend Steve or is it Sam?
Manya Argue
Gaby
Lee and her sister Nancy
Lino and Auntie Joan
Christina and Adelle and all the Sweat Your Prayers Players
Darius and bellydancers
Adriana and her family of healing
Arielle who went back to NZ
The manager of Tres Muchachos for trying to repair the table made of pine :(
Atencion for publishing poetry,
The circus at San Jose de Gracia and the tour of El Rancho by Marcello
lastly, Ginny Moore

red jelly

When she was 5 she wiped up the red plum jelly with the dish towel and put
the towel back on the rack. Went out to play with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Mommy and Daddy looked at the red sticky globs
of unknown substance on the towel and after her brothers and sister were
in bed they asked her to come to the kitchen for a talk.
They seemed so serious. It felt ominous. What could the talk be about?
The talk turned out to be about what they supposed was on the towel.
This happened when you were an infant. We have been waiting for it to happen, again.
"I wiped up the jelly that dripped off my sandwich. I thought it would be alright to wipe up the jelly with the towel."
"Is that it? We thought it was blood. You had your first blood when you were an infant. We thought something was wrong then but Dr. Elliot came to the house and said you just had an over-abundance of hormones. This is normal for older girls. Please tell us
when you begin your menstrating."
She was uncomfortable with this talk. So. When she began menstrating
at 9, she hid it. She hid the bloody panties under the sink in the dark,
in the bottom of her dresser drawers, in the cold air ducts. She used
folded up toilet paper when she had warning and need. She hid it for months.
Until her mother wanted to know where all her panties were.
"where are all your panties? I am doing the laundry and you do not have any panties. Show me your drawers.
And the little girl did--show her mom the now stiff and near black-red panties.
Then the mom, again uncomfortably, instructed the girl in menstral hygiene.
When the girl now a woman of 35 with 3 growing children of her own
began writing about hiding her panties from her maother she
had a vivid daydream, an uncanny sensation/memory of another
place, a different time when in her youthful excitement of announcing her
blood, being sold the next day to be used and silent
No longer a Child.

angels to zebras

ANGELS AND ZEBRAS

I met a fellow in 1966 who was trying to breed a guppy with a red white and blue
tail for the 1976 U.S.A. Bicentennial. This was his effort toward riches; today
his son is trying to breed NEMO.
Guppies didnt interest me. They ate their young and given opportunity the female would hide from the endless prong & prod of the insatiable male.
In 1966 I walked into a pet store for fish supplies & the rotating rack of books about aquarium maintenance and tropical fish care and breeding were authored by George Axelrod.
I bought a lot of books by George Axelrod.
The available fish were freshwater in Indianapolis & ones who gave birth to live young, including guppies and swordtails. Next were egg laying fish. Of these, the stripped zebra, the colorful Jack Dempsy, the Kissing fish and the Angels were my favorites. I liked the idea of swimming where these fish naturally lived.
With my boyfriend we bred a relative of the Kissing Fish - the convict Cichlid. The convict led an elusive underwater life picking up tiny sand and gravel with his mouth and spitting them in a sheltered area to build a cave where he then protected the eggs.
This all in a controlled environment -- specific pH level and temperature.
We were successful with the zebra breeding too although we didnt realize it until we started to pour out the tank and saw microscopic zebras in the waterfall.
Then I went to Florida with my family for our family vacation to see the ocean for the first time, and to see my great-grandparents for the last time.
With my hands in the surf while standing on Miamis beach, pebbles deposited in the palms of my hands. I examined the little stones of glitter and color and would throw them back into the sea. One wave gave a little puffer fish among the sand and gravel. Amazed and excited, I ran to my paper cup, filled it with the ocean and took Miss Very Strange home to the Midwest. Then I began reading about salt water aquariums. Miss Very Strange needed a proper habitat.
Miss Very Strange first lived in a giant brandy snifter with its own small pump. Salt corrodes metal so she couldnt go into a regular tank made with metal. I fed her brine shrimp.
I was enchanted by the pictures of marine fishes in Axelrods books & Wished to explore the Sargasm Sea, live where these creatures lived, swim with beauty.
I watched these fish in my first 20 gallon tank for many relaxing hours. No fresh water aquarium is complete without a Plecostemus the algae eater a working fish who looks like a tank with his giant mouth sucking the algae off the glass. I had a turtle raft on the side of the tank and one of those little turtles many kids had in the 50s. The Plecostemus and the turtle both became big for the drama they played out everyday. The turtle would swim down and nip the Plecostemus, who would then turn around and latch onto the Turtles back holding him down. The turtle would struggle and make it to the top. They would be back in their
own corners until the turtle did it again. Imagine my delight: 35 years later I would be swimming/cooling off in the Rivers of northern Sao Paulo State in Brazil where the Plecostemus is native and every child attempts to catch them.
One of the things Axelrod mentioned in his books were letters, including letters
from human convicts. These guys wrote about their experiments -- how little food fish could live on and how tiny a space.
I have felt like a watched fish. An experiment. My mind. needs stimulation, my body needs motivation. as well as nutrition and sunny days. somehow I will segue this. for better not worse. love mama mia

2004 knick knack patty wack

Yesterday I passed out flowers for Terresa with 2 Rs.
I spoke with a redhead at San Miguel de Allendes shopping mall about
The Holographic Sound workshop Teresa with 2 rs is organizing at The Casa Dharma.

More about Casa Dharma -- head south on Recreo toward El Chorro where the ladies wash their laundry and continue up the cobblestone road to Privada De La Cañadita.
More about Casa Dharma later.

I told the redhead between the Violet´s camaroon stand and the Cafe Grande
I did massage at Casa Dharma and had been trained initially at Esalen.
Many people I have met here in San Miguel de Allende have been to Esalen.
The people dreaming a vision for Casa Dharma see it as a miniature Esalen.

The redhead told me she had already collected the cards of three other
massage therapists new to San Miguel This Past Week! She told me her partner tried everything new to town and she didn´t have the room in her purse, or head or heart
to include my card too. SMA is full of massage people.

I made up some flyers with my phone number and tacked them up around town and
someone is taking the ones near Belles Artes down as soon as I put them up.
I haven´t been by to check the others. Out of cards and the cell phone is such a dud that I don´t even use it. Cannot. No way. OK.

Full of massage people. and Only 100,000 folks here. I suspect the massage healer archetype has immigrated from the U.S. tired from negativity and the promotion of fear.

A leadership which can push for legislation on a bill the elected did not EVEN read let alone debate or call for opinion of their constituents appalls. All the fear and negativity promoted to disempower. All the safeguards built into the air traffic controllers job simple leaves me with a wide open mouth the way the 9-11 event has been used by the leadership to provide us with an unsavory agenda. Using all the propaganda unearthed in centuries past and long live sociology. I am not angry.

Here in Mexico.
Eggs taste so good. Milk is really truly unlike anything this city girl has ever tasted. and Coca- Cola has real sugar in it. We MT´s are here to live Live live. Ok. So what to do? Not get political.
I don´t know it all now do I ? And yet, last night thanking god before sleep for the space I have to sleep. This morning the apartment is shown to a fellow who will rent it beginning November.
Yippee
it is Tom Watson of my old Esalen massage class jeezy beezy,
I am flat out prepared to write some story about the circles and cycles
and time ... so even my Esalen class is arriving.
Yippee... I will move to the studio in Ginny´s beautiful casa on Sollano,
Yahoo but wait...
My children remember walking blocks from the appliance store dragging refrigerator,
television and stove boxes across busy streets to make cardboard forts and houses.
One especially creative house for my girls one Christmas -- I was painting the mailbox and realized Maryann and Melissa were M&Ms.
Truly melt in your mouth not in your hand these darling yum yums o mine.
There were M & Ms in the mailbox that Christmas.

Then when shaking Tom Watsons hand yesterday and reminded him I was roommate to his ´while at Esalen partner´ Melissa as well as roommate to Monroe a singular buddy of his while at Esalen then I thought about M&M another cycle.

As well as.
No wonder I hadn’t finished the Esalen writing, for it ain´t over til the fat lady sings.
Just finished I should say finally finished for I have been reading it this entire month
at Ginny´s casa… Gabriel Garcias Marquezs ONE HUNDRED YEARS OF SOLITUDE,
He won a Nobel prize for literature in 1982. I had tried to read it several times before.
There are my own living stories of cycles of past unfinished books
where I dived into the pages needing to finish the books AND the acting-out the heros and heroines, OR rewriting the ends, the romance and betrayals,

Learn Patience and keep my mouth shut.
I began baking bread partly to learn patience.
Waiting for the yeast to puff up pounds of ground wheat oat and rye.
This book is about or includes the cycles of times and patterns of loyalty and rebellion.
Family and passion.

Then I consider that Michael McDermott steered me to San Miguel aboard a flight from
Sao Paulo to Houston and Jim McDermott enjoyed me here in SMA so another M&M.
The applesauce gang. Ole! Here in San Miguel de Allende The M&M fulfilment.
One in my young family
Two in Esalen,
Three in SMA
one two buckle my blue suede shoe
Mic mac paddy wacked give the dog a bone
This old man he played seven he played 7 everyday named eleven
With a mic mac patty smacked give the dog a bone
This old mans a rolling stone.
Forgive forgive

The day before yesterday I lost my keys. This distressed me greatly. Here I am to help
a forgetful alzheimer's gal and I loose my keys! I didn’t tell her. She has spares.
Today there are a set of keys to my Soon-to-be-Tom Watsons lovely apartment.
Not the set lifted or dropped from my pocket At Giganti the shopping mall outside town;
not the extra set.
On the floor below the mail slot
Fairies or elves or gnomes and ghosts whisperers left keys to replace the ones I no longer had…
>>>>>>>>>>>>>

my sister calls

sis

my sister calls, she read Revelations and knows I will shit fire
my sister calls, she read Sacajawea and I remind her of her.
same she
same me
to quilt is human to finish is divine
my sister quilts and she finishes
I write and am a work in progress.

lost in San Miguel de Allende

got my stuff from Jims especially the flannel nightgown.
do you have your second worker? do You need Me?
I thought about you all week.
I want you to know that whatever happens I believe the
works you are investing there are as important as you do.
I wanted the scope, the information in my head
a consciousness desire... seems Very Futuristic
and Hard Work.
I imagine spare time pulling parasites off trees
a metaphor for pulling tar out of my lungs...
love SMA and all the opportunities here for artists and
alternative living and so many warm gentle kind generous people
looking for one of those nicotine ... (lobelia?) helpers
I regret so much including working with you this past week.
So if you are still open, I will continue to try to call.
I get an espanol recording now. last night it was your message.
I took the bus to Roderigues and told them San Jose de Gracias and
they left me off in Roder... and laughed like crazy.
I finally found a taxi and went back to Marges... (my neighbor in Indy
wire me some money... Yahoo)
this full moon has found me looney juney. riding buses and
finally invested in several phone cards.
let me know this way if you can if I dont reach you by phone first...
I have my things most of them
at Marges. wanted to sweat your prayers mañana and yet,
suddenly doesnt seem important... tomorrow a Brazilian choreographer
working with the group. I love most anything about Brazil.

be well

live up to expectations deliberations anticiipations
and rise and be lifted remember how did you manage the time the yellow light
bounced off the walls escaping and invading your solar plexus
by holding onto Aslans Deep Law.
know faith and charity as Keep the Deep Law friends as well as the
gold and silver friends. make new friends
stand on an equal stage when enduring rage
remain centered while furies abandon rattling the iron cage
make yourself silent while the fumes intrude
let the green exhale of plants and living weave of this
construction receive the slender filaments remaining of your
loving touch. breath the world
and find a place where you are strengthened
love HelenJune

BB et al

I wished I could do what it is you demand of me.
I wish I understood so much more than when
Ethel said: June nobody is trying to hurt you
I wanted to be some kind of secret agent...
for enlightening evolution quiet. don't disturb or annoy
some darkening gravity ....

You know there were times
of working supendously secretly.

I wanted 'them' to come to their own divinity like a diamond in their hearts
unbreakable endurable for the times that come...

to know to feel to touch with compassion love and forgiveness
for the times that come

and you come. and I come.

and it is all confused...


I wonder that I didnt CHANGE enough to
say nope buddy... not unless you tell me the truth, trust me,
accept me, love me, proclaim it

and wouldnt it be nice if after I walked out (too sooooon june)
of that Jane Austin movie with that English actress (very good-- but
unrequited love) that you hadnt simply walked into the strip joint
across the street in Seattle.

I wish I hadnt gotten drunk with
Seattle skyscrapers and blurbed my mouth...

oh who
I expected a roof after Bodega Bay and all I got was one
hundred thousand thousand assholes telling me I´m ungrounded.
it feels yuccy sometimes,

I dont want to be a hermit.
I never wanted to live anywhere but near WATER
and I am sorry I am so limited... my gift

I am thinking that since I cannot get ahold of you, be awith you
and am simply teased
and unmeaningñly I have been told...

do not want to hear scripts

I am sorry I have not managed to do what you demand of me.
it would help if you told me...
imagineing all those folks in Indy playing the game with my life.
thinking what?
wanting what?

I am pretty much missing out on a talk with you.ç
thats all for now...

I wish you well, now I must change and
find a path that is comfortable for me...
unfinished business... disappear. good lord, I wanted to vamoose and vanish
lots of times before this
become unknown else.
sorry
I could not do what you demand of me.
sorry... and thanks

when I said no in bodega bay It was because of my limited imagination

and
I didnt have the money to be in bodega bay how could I meet you someplace else

when I said Indy needed me but didnt know it

I meant that and nothing more... they dont need me anymore

DO THEY?
do you?
I float
I dream
I love
I still love you big time in my heart
and yet, you are not here and

I havent managed to do what You Demand.
whatever that is...
instead of monopoly I imagined a bit of the june game and the
cards in it... such as, set, script, actor,
I must not dwell on those lighting and lighted timesç

when the smiles and the charge of you took us elsewhere (and I am not talking about bed.... fucking, sex, making love... thats is nice. but those times when we freakinç
had a halo) later, I wish I could focus on be linear here...
and yet,
you witness
by participate easily
through metaphor... what for?
talk what for...

I got home around 4 this morning..
baby sat for Christine's Annabella and Giovonni.
Took the check to Jack.
Took him Sandy's air pump for his bicycle repair.
Walked to the second main room to turn off lights and
found the floor covered in Vomit.
Adult vomit. No child could hold such a mess.
Went into the bathroom to discover the toilet seat covered in
vomit.

Told Jack about the mess and he told me about
babysitting for Melissa and she still wasn't back.
Then I went upstairs to Melissa and Mikhaela and Teon's bedroom
to discover Melissa in bed with Teon sitting in the bed.
"get downstairs and clean up your mess"

"No. I don't feel good.
I need sleep."
that girl ALWAYS NEEDS HER SLEEP

"You did this to yourself... what of the
person who -- in the middle of the night -- sits on that toilet?"

excuse me but any of us who has had this terrible experience
of consuming mass qualities of garbage and has had the need to
vomit mass quantities of vomit knows the best thing to do is
clean it immediately for the smell can inspire vomit from
many others... and the smell can linger ...

I do resort to magical thinking...

I answer my prayers by imagining this life Melissa offers her
little children... will inspire a different life.
this life resembles my young self. recalling how difficult it was
to motivate to learn to clean... always nervous while mommy and daddy
fought and fucked and while they
recovered from their fighting and fucking
and we four kids learned to make meals.
And I didn't invite other kids over because I was so ashamed
of the way we lived. The dirt and disorder.
Certain that almighty god had made a mistake (or the hospital)
for certain that the way we lived was never intended by a creator
who surely saw that love was stronger than hatred,
loving words stronger than tauts, that grass was easier on knees than
concrete, that moonlight held more fragrance
than electric lights (and there was no bill).

Where are my grandchildren?

Yesterday I went over and made them spaghetti for before we
went to the park to swim.
When Melissa finally emerged... she took a package of mushrooms
and cooked them up -- for herself. What plan for the kids?
I took the sauce for the spaghetti.
After swimming, I heated up some frozen french fry thing-ees.

The dishes from the previous week were still in the drain.
I empty the trash every time I go over.
The clothes are in a heap in the bathroom.

I recall a friend telling me of a little girl whose Aunt came over to the house
and found her sister passed out and the little toddler taking care of herself.
The Aunt called the Police. The sister did time.

I wish I had called the Police. I didn't
I called Family Advocates. I called Child Abuse hotline.
the children were put to bed in wet beds from the previous who knows how long...
and the mother had a washer and dryer. The mother had a mother (Me) who
came over and did up to 40 loads of wash.
The mother had a mother (Me) who came over and filled the
dumpster with 40 bags of trash the daughter/mother couldn't be bothered
to carry 40 feet from her front door.

All this wasted time. All this beautiful waste.
I remember all the times I shunted aside my own life for this
little girl. 18 and pregnant.

I was in San Rafael where the mountains and ocean meet the sunshine and sky;
A wonderful woman had been my hostess. She needed someone to stay with her.
Be paid to live in that beautiful place?! with a generous, sensitive, funny,
educated woman -- 85. Mona had such grace. Oh dear she was going to need someone
soon June and yet, my 18 year old daughter who didn't yet know how to take care of
herself was soon to have a baby... I returned to Indiana.

Wish I'd stayed with Mona. She was so easy to spend time with.
Yes the sunshine and ocean and mountains were easy too.

Women, mother, daughters sisters Women

we were sold the lottery here in Indiana by the state advertising: the monies from a lottery would go to education... we want the best for our children.

A watchdog standing guard

This is a symbol of the involibility of experience as dramatized
for each individual through the social sanctions and legal rights on which he may count his own personal affairs. Community integrity requires the strengthening of each separate participant in its common functions so that he/she
may stand ready to protect and reinforce his fellows to the extent of his
capacity in each moment of crises. Effective living is a cooperative activity such as will stimulate the highest response from all.

uprighteousness/probity

positive- is unswearving faithfulness to ideals and a real determination to
achieve them

negative - unfriendly instincts & groundless suspicion.

The human sewer

enimas animas
to be cleaned out.
to dissolve some of the putrid chunks of gunks stuck in the
twists and turns of the intestines.
the human sewer.

from a Sikh devotee: 1 tablespoon Epsom salt & 1 tablespoon baking soda
dissolved in the water for the enema bag...
how much water depends on you... give yourself a little at a time.
hold as much as you can.

from LL: 3 tablespoons organic coffee
boil in a quart of water for 20 minutes.
let cool
filter
put in enema bag

I had a pain near where my appendix is. This did not make me happy.
I have had surgery. I didn't have insurance. I was self-employed.
I lived in a crummy house. I didn't have heat. I hadn't had a new
pair of shoes in blues.

I drank lots of water. I stretched.
I gave myself enemas. Sometimes 5 in a day.
I massaged myself. I returned to Tai Chi. I walked.
There was something there. I could feel it.

I gave myself an enema -- filled myself with water and
stood on my head.
Talking with my friend Linda, she suggested a coffee enema. "If there is
something there--ThaT will move it1"

So I took the recipe and went to Mugwamps for some of their
organic
Guatemala coffee... fine grind please and
when I got home... just to be sure. I gave myself
3 Heaping tablespoons of fine grind. Boiled it.
Cooled it and strained the grounds from the water.

It took seemingly a long time for my body to begin to
take this concoction in. only a quart. I was used to
filling the bag as full as it could get.

I'd given myself daily enemas (and always had some result)
the previous week. Imagine my surprise.
I lost five pounds. A piece of turkey. A piece of turkey
about the size of a nickel or dime came through.
The toilet smelled of spoiled turkey.

My mind went to an operating room. Oh my, what those places
could be smelling like. I've read of a patients gases
causing the entire surgical team to pass out. They should
be paid as much as they require to confront such an
assault to their olfactory sense.

My mind went to my habits of eating. Lord June! Do you chew?
That piece of meat wasn't chewed. That piece of meat wasn't
digested. Much of one's digestion takes place in the mouth.
Oh Lord June! If you hadn't gotten that to emerge?
If I had gone to the hospital, and by that time,
with more pain than a nagging discomfort... Would the protocol have been
to cut you open to remove the offending & spoiled object?

I was up all night with amazing energy... cleaned the walls in the
bath and cleaned out my closets while looking for something
to wear to a conference the next day.

Unfortunately I had a gig the next day after the coffee enema
and couldn't shut my mouth. The kids at the Teen Institute loved me
they gave me high evaluations... the adults sent me home.
for mentioning drugs and the function was sponsored by Lilly's
biggest drug dealer in Indy.

Didn't sleep worth a darn for several days. and found out...

I could have overdosed on COFFEE! dangerous.
be gentle to yourself... thanks be to my need to be here -- whatever

From Dick Gregory: In his book on how to break a fast...
to the water in the enema bag add the strained juice of an organic lemon.

From God-knows-where: and I believe to get rid of worms
after traveling in the Orient.
40 cloves of garlic 'pressed' and soak in
20 ounces of olive oil in the sun for at least 8 hours. strain the oil and add to
water to fill enema bag. hold for at least 10 minutes...
I'm telling ya the upstairs smelled of garlic big time.
Visiting one friend after--she asked me if I had an Italian boyfriend.

Plain water is fine. I haven't diminished yet, with tap water.
I do believe the city water 'cept for some of the farming chemicals
is at the least as good as most in bottles and sold for more than gasoline.

although that tissue does absorb so very fast it is mother's little helper --
an ASA suppository when an infant has a fever.
nuff said???

Between the rutabaga and arugala
lily leaning over shoulder
facing north and horseradish
I had the urge to get
the rug from the basement
make a wee path
move fire pit
(skuuch it over)
move the limestone headstone to the foot
of the firepit
so it could be seen
mica laced rose quartz and granite at the head

north cross rose quartz
south limestone
violetas due east
southeast corner ora de pesca en aqua
northwest horseradish
geese ?

set the table on the rug and massage away
in the shade of the hickory tree
with an audience of squirrels